


Shattered pieces

by TheWolves24



Series: Missing pieces [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Divorce, Emotional Infidelity, F/M, Infidelity, M/M, Separation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2020-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:07:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23085994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWolves24/pseuds/TheWolves24
Summary: Pepper confronts Tony on his feelings regarding Steve.
Relationships: Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: Missing pieces [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1439194
Comments: 3
Kudos: 69





	Shattered pieces

Pepper was on the couch when he arrived home, reading a book about farming vegetables.

His heart stopped at the sight of her.

She noticed him tense and quietly put the book on the coffee table.

"Tony? Are you alright?" She questioned softly.

No. He really wasn't.

Sighing, he shut his eyes and let out a few breaths, trying to quell his racing heart.

He had to tell her.

"I'm sorry about Natasha."‌ She said, eying him sadly, moving over to give him a firm hug.

Silence. 

"Thanks." He finally managed to say, stroking her back, relishing in the last hug she'd probably ever bestow on him.

And that thought made him want to be sick.

Pepper felt him tense up more and more, and she pulled away, looking into his face.

"Tony? Did something-did something else happen? You're shaking."

He pulled away from her hands gently, feeling like he had no right to touch her.

"Pep, there's something, something I have to tell you. And-I think you need to sit down for it. I, uh." He stopped, rubbing his eyes.

She nodded, concerned etched in her expression.

Tony sat down with her, both on opposite ends of the couch.

"Something did happen tonight, and God, I'm so sorry." He said, wringing his hands together.

Pepper looked at his paling face, his fingers shaking as he clenched them together, the blood no doubt draining away from them.

"I‌ can't know what happened and forgive you for it, if you don't tell me, Tony."‌ She said to him, feeling growing unease take over, multiple scenarios zooming across her brain of what he might have done.

"I...Steve and I, we were talking and, then we were _fighting_ and I-"

The rest of what he was saying completely faded away when Pepper heard the name Steve.

She knew exactly what happened.

"You slept with Steve, didn't you?" She interrupted, not knowing nor caring where he was in his excuse.

Tony swallowed, trying to choke out the proper words, but his mouth was too dry.

"Pep." He finally mumbled, his nostrils flaring with emotions that were starting to filter through his eyes.

Pepper though, said nothing, gave nothing away as she watched him crumble across from her.

What was there to say?

So instead, she bent her head low and played with her wedding band, her stomach rolling with indignation.

Silence.

She couldn't stay sitting down, she had to pace, or, or something.

Standing on shaky feet, folding her arms, she moved to stand in front of their fireplace, listening to the house’s creaks and groans, the sounds loud in her ears.

"Do you love him?" She finally managed to ask after minutes of no talking between them.

Tony though, felt his mouth open and close a couple times, words _wanting_ to form, and _trying_ to form, but nothing managing to come out.

"You might as well just be honest." She said, shrugging halfheartedly.

Tony squeezed his eyes shut.

"I'm not sure, Pepper."

The blonde woman moved her gaze over to him then, narrowing her eyes in his direction.

"You're not sure? Is that your final answer? I‌ didn't see a picture of Steve when I stepped into your workshop the other night?" She snapped, feeling tears start to form.

Tony winced.

"Oh, and by the way, if you don't know, you mumble his name in your sleep sometimes too."

Tony felt his stomach drop out, total mortification rolling over his entire body.

"You know, I was good, just fine looking the other way. I was. It's not a crime to love two people. Sometimes, you just can't help that."

She sobbed then.

"I could have lived with that, Tony. But, how am I‌ supposed to do that, when you're sleeping with him as well?"

Tony didn't answer, just sat there and endured whatever Pepper threw his way.

"Well?" She asked, gathering on the verge of hysteria.

"What do you want me to say, Pepper?" He begged.

She laughed humorlessly, wiping her nose, huffing and looking at the wall beside the fireplace mantle.

"I‌ want you to be _honest_." She gasped, lower lip trembling, trying to keep the tears at bay.

Silence.

"Fine." Tony finally said, twisting his hands, knowing what he was about to say would break her heart even further.

And she waited, wiping tears off her cheeks.

"I do-sigh- I do love him, you're right. But, I do not love him more than you. I don't."

Pepper processed his words, then threw up her hands, looking at the ceiling.

"You think that's any better, Tony? Huh? I'm supposed to be-what- _honored_ that you love us both the same? I'm your _wife._ ”

Tony roughly moved a hand through his hair.

"Just be honest, Tony. Be honest and tell me that I‌ lost you to him a long time ago!"

He closed his eyes, and shook his head adamantly.

"That's not true, it's not."

Rearing back, she looked at him like he had completely lost the plot, and sighed, trying to regain her bearings.

"Tony."

But he didn't look at her.

"I‌ have watched you... _pine_ over that man for years. The last five were better, I‌ suppose. But only because you were angry at him. But you gave him your arc reactor." She said to him, betrayal on her face, her heart pinching, remembering when he had given it to _her_ all those years before. 

The brunette froze, hanging his head low.

He had. But, at that moment, he was being pretty melodramatic.

"I was angry. I‌ don't know why I did that."‌ He finished, lamely.

She just stared at him.

"You don't know _why_ you did that, really Tony?" She asked, feigning disbelief.

Silence.

"Did you not _see_ him run to you when you stepped off that spacecraft?"

Tony had, but dismissed it, thinking it was just a hallucination.

Silence.

"I‌ don't know what to do with this."‌ Pepper said, sitting on the concrete edge beside the flames.

Tony looked at her, watching as she wiped at her eyes again.

"He told me that he was leaving when all this was over." He mumbled, feeling his heart thump roughly against his breastbone.

Pepper looked up, a little surprised at what he had just said.

"And how do you feel about that?"

Tony swallowed, but didn't say anything.

Pepper just shook her head, taking in a breath.

"I‌ remember the aftermath following the fallout between the both of you. It was like watching a car wreck." She said, trying not to unleash the full extent of her resentment towards him and his feelings.

Tony snapped his head up to her, getting a little aggravated at her accusatory tone.

"Yes, okay, I know! I'm sorry, Pepper. I'm sorry I fucked up, I'm sorry that you-that you have to put up with my bullshit, okay? I'm sorry!"

He wasn't very loud, but Pepper did not want the fight to escalate, so she walked forward and grabbed his bicep, dragging him to the front porch, quietly shutting the door behind her.

"Morgan is sleeping. I‌ don't want to wake her with loud whispering, or yelling, alright? We always said we'd never let her hear us argue."

Tony nodded, thumbing at his lip, moving over to switch on the low lamp that hung by the door.

"I'm sorry." He muttered again, looking directly at her.

Pepper caught his eye and held his gaze.

"Tony, I'll never be sorry for the life we built together. We built a _happy_ life, and we've coexisted with each other in harmony for a good majority of it."

He nodded, smiling, little speckles of terror at what she was going to say behind his gaze.

"But, I‌ know you aren't fully happy without being Iron Man."

And at that statement, he rolled his eyes, pushing himself further away from her.

"This again, really? How many times have I told you, I'm _fine_ with not being Iron Man. What has being him brought me anyway? Besides multiple trips to the hospital and a group of people that _were_ supposed to be my friends?"

Pepper just stared at him.

"It brought you Steve." She mumbled.

Tony threw up his hands.

"Right. ‌Because _Steve_ has been so good for me, right? It's been nothing but calm seas when it comes to Steve Rogers. Always there for me, not questioning me over everything. Not ever discounting my loyalty to the team. Always trusting me, telling me about my parents. Man, he did a great job with all of that."

Silence.

"But none of that stopped you from falling in love with him, Tony."‌ Pepper whispered, taking in his hunched over, quivering form.

He just shook his head.

"I pushed back my feelings for him once, I can do it again." He responded, firmly, raising his eyes to hers in almost determination.

Pepper just rolled her eyes and looked away.

"What? You don't believe me?" He questioned hotly.

She grit her teeth, feeling her hackles rise.

"No. I don't. Know why? Because I'm the one who had to sit back and _watch_ as you _pushed_ your feelings for him to the side. Remember that? Remember the binges, Tony. I‌ have never seen you that broken up before."

Tony just stared, trying to block out the many nights he laid on his bedroom floor, drinking himself into a stupor, Captain America's shield tucked away in the corner, staring at him as he fell into the abyss.

Out of the corner of his eye, he watched Pepper stand as tall as she could, pushing her hair back.

"I cannot watch you fold into yourself when he leaves for the second time."

What was that supposed to mean?

His heart was thudding so hard now, he was sure she could probably see it. Even in the shitty lamp light.

"You're leaving me?" He whispered hoarsely.

She didn't respond to that, closing her eyes to the immense hurt he was radiating.

"I'm not going anywhere. We'll still live together, until everything is put back in order. After-after you beat Thanos. Then, afterwards, we'll discuss separating."

Tony felt an icy pick hit his stomach.

"You're going to pull away just like that?" He bit out, trying to keep his self-control under wraps.

This was not her fault. It was his fault, and he had no right to feel any anger towards her.

"Not just like that, Tony! But, I'm not enough for you! Don't you think it's better to end this with a whisper, instead of with a scream? And it will, in due time. Because like it or not Tony, you know I'm right and that we just, _sigh_ , we just don’t fit the way you do with him."

She was huffing at the end of that sentence, feeling the sting of tears at the back of her eyes again.

Tony just stared at her, feel nausea roll through him.

"I never wanted this to happen. I‌ enjoy our life the way it is, Pepper." He said, trying to find the words that might make her change her mind.

She looked down.

"I‌ do too, Tony. But, I‌ can't continue to look at you, and see the uncertainty in your eyes, day after day, all the time. It’s _always_ there. It's not fair for me."

Silence.

He wanted to tell her that there was no _doubt_ in his eyes. But, he knew, he'd be lying.

Without a doubt, he loved her. She would be the only woman he would ever love. But...the pull he felt towards Steve was like...an addiction. One that he had tried for _years_ to shake off. It was alarming how...complete he felt with the man.

He honestly never believed in soul mates. The thought was laughable, and he was a man that lived on _evidence_ for everything.

And here came Steve, with his perfect smile, and blue eyes, with his superior attitude, and stubborn streak a mile wide. He came into Tony's life with all the gusto of a light breeze, considering the two of them never talked to each other. Not really until after Ultron did they really start _talking_ like two friends. But, even before then, he watched the super soldier, and it really annoyed him that he was _everything_ yet _nothing_ like his father said he would be.

He was more, so much more.

And the thought, when it hit Tony, scared the ever-living fuck out of him. Because, he had never felt that way towards anybody before. And from then on, it grew and grew until Steve was always on the forefront of his mind.

When Civil War happened, Tony was cracking to pieces every time he got into an argument with the man. Every piercing word, every dirty look made him want to fall apart.

That wasn't normal for him. He could take a lot of crap from the people he was closest too. But, when it came to Steve, his biting words and disappointed looks made Tony want to curl into himself.

The super soldier didn't know the _power_ he held over the shorter man.

One of the things Tony is wholeheartedly thankful for.

Flashback: 

_"Tony?"_

_The brunette turned towards his lab door, taking in the appearance of the tall, blonde man._

_He looked tired._

_"Cap, what's wrong? You're usually in bed right now. Old man schedule and all that." The brunette smirked._

_The taller man just sighed, shrugging his shoulder, looking around at the blue holograms that were in front of Tony._

_"Couldn't sleep. What are you doing? What are you working on?"_

_Tony just raised an eyebrow at the blonde, trying to pick apart the blank look that seemed really tense._

_"I'm actually trying to upgrade some...big aspects of my suit. I found a way, actually, but I'd have to implant the nanobots within my body to get the desired effect."_

_The look Steve shot him was one of confusion._

_"Implant?"_

_Tony nodded, reaching up and spinning one of the pictures in front of him, zooming in on bright spots that ran up and down his body on the hologram._

_"See there?" He pointed to his arms._

_Steve nodded._

_"I'd have to insert nanobots into my skin on my arms, legs, shoulders, and two behind each of my ears. That way, my brain waves could summon the armor, and I wouldn't need these bracelets anymore."_

_Steve looked over at him quickly, his expression of almost wonder._

_"Jesus, ‌Tony. You can really do that? Isn't it dangerous?"_

_Tony smirked, waving his project away._

_"It can be, if you know, you're not me.”_

_Steve just deadpanned at him, crossing his arms, and giving him the patented Captain America look of question._

_Tony rolled his eyes._

_Mother hen._

_"We do dangerous things daily, Cap. I‌ mean, you wield a frisbee for Gods sakes. You jump out of airplanes, without a parachute, like an idiot, all the time. And this...this will help me be instantly ready, without having to stop and wait for my suit to arrive."_

_Steve was still just staring at him, the gears turning behind his eyes._

_Here comes the scolding._

_"Look, I‌ know you're just trying to better your suit Tony, but inserting these...nanobots? Into your body can't be good for you. And, who's going to put them inside you? Bruce? A surgeon?"_

_Tony had to smile at his naivete._

_"Uh no, that would be me. No-one knows my body the way I‌ do, so I'll be the one doing it."_

_Steve's jaw dropped._

_"No, you won't."_

_Tony reared back, annoyance flashing through him._

_"Last time I checked Captain, you weren't my boss, mother, or father. If anything, you're my grandfather, and you just need to do what good grandfathers do, sit back, and mind your damn business.”_

_Steve growled, stepping towards him._

_"I would be careful Steve, you see, I‌ have a defense in my workshop and his name is..."_

_At that, Dum-E was upon the blonde, spraying him in the face with his fire extinguisher._

_Tony smirked._

_"His name is Dum-E." He finished, crossing his arms, relishing in the shocked splutters Steve was eliciting._

_"Stark!" He yelled, jumping to the side as Dum-E raised the extinguisher again, to give him a nice after dose of foam._

_Tony was grinning like a mad man, enjoying the view of Steve trying to defend himself against the robot._

_Finally, after another minute, he waved a hand, and Dum-E pulled back from the shocked super soldier, turning away and going back to his charging post._

_"Thanks, Jarvis."‌ Tony said, same shit eating grin on his face._

_"Stark!" Steve snapped again, spitting out foam, blue eyes flashing dangerously at Tony._

_"Yeah, yeah, I know. You're disappointed, I'm not serious enough. Yada ya-hey!"_

_Steve had taken that opportunity to bum rush Tony, pulling him off the chair and onto the floor, the both of them rolling in the foam, Steve making sure to rub the suds in his face._

_"Stop! You big oaf! Get off!"_

_The smaller man was channeling anger when he noticed the grinning face above him, blue eyes alight with laughter now, instead of mirth._

_They stopped rolling, the two of them panting, then, bust out into laughter at the state the other one was in._

_Steve was hunched over, his face red with hysterics._

_"You should have seen your face when I‌ grabbed you out of your chair."_

_Tony pushed himself up off the floor, Steve's hand gripping his elbow._

_"You should have seen yours when Dum-E sprayed you! Fuck, I'm so glad I have cameras in here. I may need to watch that again." Tony laughed along, wiping foam out of his hair._

_He didn't miss how Steve's hand was still gripping his elbow._

_After another minute of light giggles, the laughter faded out, and still Steve was close to the brunette._

_Which was making said man quite nervous._

_"Uh, Cap? Wanna let go of my arm?"_

_The blonde blushed profusely, pulling away as if burned, standing up._

_Tony tracked the movements and noticed the blue eyes that were once laughing at him, were now far away across the room, red stains on both cheeks._

_Silence._

_After climbing off the floor, Tony watched as Steve rubbed his arm, and turned his back on the brunette, almost rushing out of the room._

_What had just happened?_

_Why had Steve pulled away from him like that? As if the very thought of touching Tony sickened him._

_The knowledge made Tony's stomach clench in...something he couldn't name._

_And it frightened him, only serving to put him on edge for the next few days._

** End of Flashback: **

Shaking his head, Tony felt his shoulders hunch in, watching as Pepper wiped more tears off her face.

Silence.

"You're not the only one to blame here." She whispered at him.

This revelation brought his face up, watching as Pepper rolled her eyes at herself, sniffling.

"I knew the whole time you loved him. I remember seeing the two of you down in your lab, several times. And he-God-he never took his eyes off you. Of course, you didn't see it, but I did."

Tony flinched.

"He looks at you like you discovered the sun, Tony." And Pepper closed her eyes, remembering the last time she saw the two in his lab, the _look_ on Steve's face just...broke her heart.

** Flashback: **

_"Tony, I know it was you. Who else would have that amount of money to give?"_

_Silence._

_Pepper had come down from upstairs, feeling run down, and extremely exhausted, a slew of meetings, and paperwork finally catching up to her._

_She wanted to see Tony; it had felt like forever since she had spent time with him._

_Upon nearing the door though, she heard Steve and Tony talking, but didn't know what it was about._

_She hoped it wasn't another fight._

_"Cap, come on. Who would I‌ be if I‌ let down all the children that look up to the Avengers?"_

_She heard Steve chuckle a little bit, and she moved up to get closer to the door, finally able to see in the glass, watching as Steve leaned against Tony's desk, his blue eyes tracking the brunettes hand movements._

_They must be talking about the new children’s home Tony was donating to near...Brooklyn?_

_Oh._

_Shutting her eyes, Pepper sighed heavily._

_She opened them again when another deep chuckle broke through._

_"You **are** their favorite, Tony. You know they didn't mean what they said when we last went together. It's just the shield." _

_She could hear Tony roll his eyes._

_"Oh please, who in their right mind would deny you as a favorite? I mean, look at you, Cap. You're...strong." He finished, cutting himself off quickly._

_But Pepper knew what it meant, and it broke her heart._

_Steve's laugh cut through her misery, and she turned to watch them again, not knowing why she was doing this to herself._

_His smile was so gentle, it almost melted her to the floor. His eyes though, they told the true story. The whole story that he was afraid to tell Tony._

_"I think Iron Man has a certain...beauty to him." He softly admitted, blue eyes smiling at the smaller male._

_And Tony, he was caught in the moment, his own brown eyes softer than a doe's staring at Steve._

_“Yeah?” He breathed out, arching a playful brow._

_The super soldier smiled brightly and nodded._

_Pepper turned away, almost running away from them, feeling a dry sob race up her throat._

Shaking her head, she banished that memory. It had made her miserable for a week afterwards. She had done the rather...childish thing and had ignored Tony for a bit.

It wasn't his fault, and it was time that she stopped blaming him for it.

People can't help their feelings.

Clearing her throat, she watched as her husband sighed and sat in one of the porch chairs, looking out towards the lake.

"I think it would be wise if we told Morgan a little bit further down the road. When we have everything figured out." Pepper muttered.

Tony said nothing, just flinched lightly.

Was this really happening?

Clearing his throat, Tony tried to regain his bearings, looking at his wife.

"Is there really nothing we can do to fix this?" He murmured, trying to hold close hope, knowing it wouldn't do anything.

It never had.

Pepper though, just shook her head.

"It was too late for that a long time ago, Tony. I‌ should've known better. I knew, I knew you were hung up on him."

Tony squeezed his eyes shut, taking a deep breath in.

“I’m sorry, Pepper.”

She just shrugged, not knowing what to tell him, not knowing what to tell _herself_ at this point. 


End file.
